In the End There Was Love
by Love Lost Contest
Summary: With a chance meeting comes love.  With life's pressures come choices.  What happens when the reality of the day-to-day overshadows the serenity of fantasy?  In the end...what will remain? An entry for the Love Lost Contest.


**Title: In the End There Was Love**

**Characters: Jasper and Alice**

**Rating: M (for mature themes)**

**Word Count: 7,866**

**Disclaimer: All publicly recognized characters belong to Stephenie Meyer.**

**Summary: With a chance meeting comes love. With life's pressures come choices. What happens when the reality of the day-to-day overshadows the serenity of fantasy? In the end...what will remain?**

**To see all entries in the "Love Lost" Contest, please visit the profile: .net/u/2458839/Love_Lost_Contest**

~In The End...~

He rolled over.

Her hair was sticking to his face, still damp with the exertion of their affair.

Placing a hand behind his head, he idly rubbed his bare chest, his thoughts blank as they always were after a night of passion with the woman beside him.

He wondered if that was why he did it. Why he went to her.

A moment of nothing.

A feeling of peace.

The quiet.

Escape.

And then the guilt rushed back like the force of a rip tide, sucking him under until the weight of the water pushed against his chest, suffocating his ability to breathe.

The guilt.

Sitting up, he felt the blanket pool around his waist as he flipped on the bedside lamp. The room was immediately flooded with a bright light, causing his eyes to burn. He hated the light. In the dark, he was a lover. But in the light, he was a betrayer.

He glanced down at her. She moaned softly in her sleep, the sound breathy as it escaped from between her tinted lips. Her hair appeared jet black against the crisp white of the pillow, bits of it matted to her forehead.

Quietly lifting the blanket, he pushed himself out of the bed, his bare feet hitting the cold floor. Glancing around the room, he found his clothes.

"Are you leaving?" Her soft and melodic voice floated across the room to wrap around his body, her dulcet tones igniting the physical response that seemed impossible to resist.

"Yes," was his only reply, before fishing his keys from his pocket.

"When will I see you again?" she asked, her eyes bright with unshed tears.

He hated to make her cry.

He hated to leave her in the middle of the night.

He hated that he didn't love her.

"Soon."

Quickly shoving his arms into his jacket, he walked back out into the cold air of reality, shutting the door- and his peaceful release- behind him.

As he drove down the familiar streets to his home, he ignored the stinging fingers of regret as they gripped the back of his neck. He once thought it would lessen. What a fool he had been to think he would ever become desensitized to the indiscretion of his choices.

He quietly entered his two-story house, his hand gripping the keys to prevent the otherwise inevitable jingling that would alert his wife to his late night return.

His wife.

Taking a deep breath, he crossed the threshold of consequence. Glancing at the kitchen clock, he grimaced. It was 1:00 a.m.-the latest he had ever come home. Pulling off his shoes and carrying them, he took the stairs two at a time, careful to avoid the one that squeaked.

Opening the door to the master bedroom, Jasper watched the light from the hall spill into the darkness, illuminating his sleeping wife. Her skin glowed in the light like fine porcelain, her soft curves rising and falling beneath the blanket.

His fingers ached to touch her, though he knew he did not deserve that right anymore.

Once again, the darkness taunted. In the dark, he could remember with a fine clarity why he had married this woman. In the dark, he could hear the echo of her carefree laughter as her smiling eyes flashed at him, his words pulling forth her mirth. In the dark, they loved each other deeply.

In the dark, there was no one else.

But just as it had moments before, he knew the light would come and remind him of the truth.

"Jasper?" came a soft voice from the bed, her tone thick with sleep.

"Yes," he replied, a lump forming in his throat as his name fell from her lips, something he had not heard in so long.

"Are you just getting home?" she asked. Her words were underlined with a sharpness that seemed ever present. In his mind, the echoes of her laughter faded. He hated the sharpness, though he preferred it to what was sure to follow.

"Yes," he replied. There was no reason to lie. Not anymore.

Silence.

Then, "Don't forget we have the meeting with the lawyers tomorrow." Her tone was no longer sharp, but dull...dead. The emotion of only a few minutes before had waned with his admission of guilt, just as it always did. There was no love. No jealousy.

Only a lifeless acceptance.

When had that become their existence? When had they decided to quit fighting? To quit trying?

To quit loving?

Where had the beautiful and vibrant woman he had married gone? For that matter, where was the faithful and loving husband he had been?

"I remember, Alice. Thank you."

And with a soft click, he closed the door before turning toward the guest bedroom where he slept.

Alone.

~Love~

**10 Years Ago **

"You're gonna be late, man!"

Jasper Whitlock waved off the warning as he trotted away from his friend back toward their dorm. Though the campus was large, he figured with a little hustle, he could make it back to their room, print off his forgotten homework assignment and still be back with time to spare. Glancing down at his watch, he picked up his pace, his cowboy boots pinching his toes as he turned down Fraternity Row. It was rare to ever find him without his trusty boots, but at that moment, he couldn't deny the benefit of a sturdy pair of tennis shoes.

Stealing another glance at his watch, he did not see the petite co-ed kneeling in the middle of the sidewalk, adjusting her pink hosiery. So when his long legs tangled with creamy arms, his shouted expletive came as much of a surprise to him as it did her.

As he tumbled forward onto her much smaller body, he vaguely caught flashes of pink tulle, jet black hair, and fiery eyes beneath dark, winged brows. Then there was only cement as his head made impact with the harsh ground.

He couldn't breathe. The fall had literally knocked the breath from his body as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. Who knew the ground could be so unforgiving?

It took several dazed seconds for him to realize that the cause of his probable concussion was still crushed beneath his heavy body. Moaning, he rolled over, the bright sun burning his eyes as he lay on his back with his hand pressed to his throbbing forehead.

Jasper focused his eyes on the multi-colored leaves lining the trees above his head. They danced and twirled in the crisp fall wind, their fiery colors vibrant as they tried desperately to cling to the trees on which they grew. He had always found it odd that while they were at their most vivid, leaves were destined to leave their source of life. How was it that just before death, there could be so much beauty?

So captivated was he by the waning orange and red life bordering the clear morning sky, that Jasper was startled to realize the roadblock beside him was sniffling. It was the first noise he had heard from the girl since his fall to the earth.

Turning his head, he winced and closed his eyes against the pain that pulsed just behind his lids. Was he bleeding from the head? He couldn't tell. He was going to have to make a trip to the campus clinic, that much he knew.

The sniffling repeated.

Opening one eye, he turned to look at her and was startled by the depth of emotion he found swimming within hazel waters.

The girl was crying.

"Are you hurt?" he asked.

She ignored him as fat drops of liquid escaped from beneath dark and sooty lashes, which she rapidly blinked away to clear her vision. Lying beside him, she too stared at the sky, her profile visible to his study. Her nose was pert, though crinkling with the effort to halt her tearful sniffles. She had high cheekbones, dappled with a ruddiness that seemed ever present on the faces of college students that time of year-the result of walking to and from class in chilly temperatures. Her lips were pressed together in a thin line as her throat convulsed with muffled sobs.

As his gaze traveled further down, he was puzzled to find she was wearing a fitted t-shirt with the university's logo etched across her chest tucked in to the waistband of what could only be described as a long, pink tutu. The material was bunched around her waist in a cloud of pastel, bits of it ripped and torn from their fall. Apparently, tutus did not fare well in tussles with concrete sidewalks.

Her hands gripped a camera, her knuckles white with the effort. It was then that he noticed the shattered glass at the end of the lens.

He knew almost nothing about cameras, but even _he_ could tell the damage was extensive...and most likely expensive.

His eyes flew back to her face, which was still scrunched in emotion, her eyes firmly planted on the trees above.

Blowing air out from between his lips, he pushed himself into a sitting position, the blood rushing from his head and causing the ache to momentarily intensify. Resting his elbows on his knees, he looked over his shoulder to the t-shirt clad ballerina still lying on her back, broken camera held firmly within her grip.

Without stopping to make sense of what he was doing, Jasper reached for the camera and pried it from her fingers. Standing, teetering only slightly on his feet, he held out a hand to her.

Her tawny gaze flickered momentarily to his offering of assistance before rising to his face.

He sucked in a quick breath.

While he would never have described her as a beautiful woman-her features were much to impish-he was momentarily taken aback by the unadulterated openness lying in wait behind her golden eyes, almost as if in a single blink, every emotion was laid bare before him. Every dream, every regret, every hope. All of it available to him in that one glance. And to him, that made her stunning.

When her cool fingers brushed against his in acceptance, he mentally shook his head of his musings, reminding himself that he didn't even _know_ the dark-haired girl.

Once she was standing, he reluctantly released her hand, his fingertips lingering a second longer than what would have been deemed socially appropriate. Hiding his flushed face from her sharp gaze, he looked down to the battered camera within his hands. Sighing in thought, he quickly glanced at his watch. He was already ten minutes late to class.

Returning his vision to the girl with the open emotions and watery eyes, he set his jaw. He had to make it right.

Her camera still in hand, he turned on his heel and began walking in the direction of the upperclassmen parking lot.

"Hey," she breathed on a ragged whisper. The uttered word was soft. Had he not been expecting a reaction, he never would have heard her. Ignoring the imp behind him, he continued to walk.

"Hey!" she shouted, this time much louder. "You can't just take my camera!"

Glancing over his shoulder, he absorbed her hands-on-hips stance, the exasperation on her face drying her tears. A chilly breeze swept by, fluttering the hem of her torn tutu before ruffling her short, dark hair and pushing a few strands into her flashing amber eyes.

She was fierce.

She was angry.

She was captivating.

He knew at that moment, that he would never forget the way she looked on that day.

She was magnificent when angry. He wondered what she would look like livid. Unable to contain his curiosity, he decided to ruffle her feathers. "I can and I am," he called out to her before turning back toward his destination.

"Look, Dr. Seuss," she hissed in response to his unintentional rhyme as she trotted along after him, hot on his heels. "I don't know who you think you are-"

"Jasper," he replied, biting back a smile as he cut her off. "Jasper Whitlock."

She only grunted in response, her displeasure rolling off of her in waves.

She continued to follow him in silence as he neared his Jeep, the green upperclassman parking tag visible from his rear-view mirror.

"You're a senior?" she asked.

"Yep."

Opening the passenger side door, much to her obvious surprise, he gestured for her to enter.

He watched with mild interest as the imp bit her lip and looked around, her eyes searching for witnesses. He could tell that she was debating the safety of the camera still held within his grip against the safety of herself. With raised eyebrows, he chuckled as she chose her camera over the protection against personal jeopardy.

Closing the door behind her, he jogged to the other side of his Jeep, placing her camera gently in the back before hopping in and starting the engine.

"What's your name?" he asked as he maneuvered through the throngs of students walking the campus.

"Alice," she whispered, her eyes flickering to him once before looking back out the window.

"No last name, Alice?" he asked.

"I don't think we know each other well enough for that," she murmured, her eyes downcast as she examined the apparently ever-so-important state of her nail beds.

Jasper could only smile. She was adorable.

"Alright then, Alice Last Name Unknown, where would one go to purchase a new camera lens?"

Her head shot up immediately, her eyes wide orbs of sunlight as they fixed onto his face. The glee which radiated from every pore of her body was infectious and addictive. He found himself hoping that he would have many opportunities to to bask in its glow.

But just as quickly as it had appeared, the bright excitement was overshadowed by a sudden sadness.

"The nearest store is an hour away," she whispered, dejected.

Jasper chanced a glance at her out of the corner of his eye. While she was no longer crying, the deep despondency lining her features cut at his heart in unexplainable ways. He had known Alice for no longer than 30 minutes, and yet he felt an intense need to make her happy. To see her full of joy. To be the reason behind her smile.

"Well," he began, feeling the warmth of her gaze upon his face. "I've already missed one of my classes, so what are a few more?"

And like the brilliant rays of the sun slicing through the murky fog of an autumn morning, Alice's responding smile lit up her entire face, her eyes alight with a mixture of excitement and wonder.

"Brandon," she said softly.

"What's that?"

"My last name is Brandon. Alice Brandon."

Jasper nodded his head in acknowledgement of her introduction as they exited campus, a small smile of victory tugging at the corner of his mouth.

They drove in relative silence, the only conversation her directions.

Upon their arrival to the store, which was better described as a warehouse, Jasper chuckled when Alice opened the door to exit the vehicle before he had even silenced the engine. She skipped with a grace that could only be described as dancing as she approached the entrance. A flurry of pink tulle, cotton and excitement, Alice didn't even look back as she yanked open the door to the store, disappearing within its cavernous depth.

Shaking his head, he picked up her camera from his back seat before following in her effervescent wake.

Once his eyes adjusted to the slightly darker interior of the store, he glanced around only to be accosted by flashes of bright light. Shielding his eyes against the glare, he found the culprits to be miscellaneous customers test driving camera flashes and studio strobes.

It was overwhelming.

Beyond the flashing lights, there were steel shelves full of merchandise lining every square inch of the concrete store floor. Each item was wrapped in brown cardboard and stacked with a bizarre mixture of precarious precision. There were few signs and no displays of explanation. He had not even taken a single step into the store, and already he was lost.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a glimmer of pink fluff. Like a ship seeking a beacon off the coast, he followed her light, his steps more sure once he had located Alice.

Upon turning the corner, he found his ballerina on the floor, her tutu flowing about her like the peeled back wrapper of a frosted cupcake. The upper half of her body was obscured by boxes as she dug through the merchandise in an effort to locate her prize.

"Any luck?" he asked, looking down at her.

She jerked in surprise at the sound of his voice, the distinct thump of skull hitting steel reverberating in his ears.

Grimacing, he knelt down beside her to peer into her boxed cave. Her hand was massaging the back of her head as her nose was once again scrunched in pain.

"Sorry," he whispered.

"S'okay," she mumbled before resuming her scavenging hunt. He watched her with rapt interest as she pulled box after box from the shelf, examining each white label before placing it behind her where a pile of unwanted and discarded items laid to rest. When her small hands wrapped around a particular box, he remained fascinated as she bit her lower lip, her thumb tracing across the words in reverence before finally releasing it to the pile of waste.

As she continued to dig, Jasper curiously picked up the box, attempting to discern what could have captivated her enough to pause her efforts. Unfortunately, he saw only numbers and letters which meant absolutely nothing to him.

"Ah ha!" came her muffled voice. Wiggling out of her cardboard cove, she sat back on her heels, a small box similar to the one in his hands waving in triumph above her head.

"Found the one you want?" he asked. Had he not been paying such close attention, he might have missed the flicker of her eyes as they momentarily flitted to the box in his hand before rising back to his.

"Yes," she replied, a false certainty tingeing the single, spoken word.

Before she could stand, he grasped her wrist, holding her in place. Surprise registered briefly before she acquiesced to his silent command.

"Is that really the one that you want?" he questioned, nodding to the box in her hand.

Biting her lip, he could tell she was making an effort not to drop her gaze to the real item she wished to posses. "It's the one I can afford," she whispered, the words catching in her throat.

Gently shaking her wrist of his hand, she stood, her torn tutu waving in his face as she passed him on her way to the front of the store.

Standing quickly, he gripped the box she wanted, his long legs eating up the distance she had gained. Overtaking her, he swept past. He had no idea the expense of the lens, but he knew that if he couldn't make Alice smile, it would cost him so much more. Placing the box down on the counter, turning his back to the glaring flashing light which had originally greeted him at the door, he pulled out his wallet and waited for the cashier to ring up his purchase.

"What do you think you're doing?" came Alice's voice from behind him.

"I'm replacing what I broke."

"Jasper, you don't have to do that." It was the first time she had actually called him by name. Her voice wrapped around the two syllables like a velvet caress, her lyrical tone traveling up his spine.

He wanted more.

Turning to face her, he simply grinned. "I know. But I want to."

Her responding smile outshone the incessant flashing that blinded his vision.

After dropping enough money to rival two monthly payments on his Jeep, they were once again on the road, the small box held securely in her lap as if she were carrying a precious and rare treasure.

Turning her face to his, she rested her temple against the headrest. "Jasper," she said again, as if she knew the effect his name on her lips had on his body. "Thank you."

"Anytime," he returned. And he meant it.

"Um...can I buy you lunch?" she asked. "You know, as a thank you?"

He glanced at her. She was fidgeting with the torn fabric of her tutu as if flustered. She was nervous. And that knowledge only endeared her to him further.

"Sure," he replied, all too delighted to spend more time with the ballerina who literally knocked him from his feet.

And when she smiled, he saw love.

~Joy~

**8 Years ago**

"Jasper?" called Alice from the foot of the stairs.

Jasper quickly shut the door to the guest bedroom of the house he had just purchased only the week before, a surprise for the woman he had been dating for the past two years.

And that woman was early.

Continuing to live on campus, Alice preferred to remain in the dorms where she maintained free room and board by operating as a Resident Assistant, gaining resume experience. She would visit him on the weekends and he would periodically take her to lunch throughout the week. Their love was strong and neither minded the distance, understanding that it would soon be over, though he doubted she understood just how soon that day would arrive.

He was going to propose.

Without explanation, he had mailed her a key with a note, asking her to meet him at address for a special surprise. And while a part of that very surprise was the house itself, it was the diamond burning a hole in his pocket that he was more anxious to reveal.

Turning his back on the closed door, he surveyed the room before him.

The masterpiece lining the walls had taken him hours to prepare, but it was worth every second of that time because he knew the moment she walked through the door, what she would see would elicit the most perfect response he could ever hope to attain.

Hanging from the ceiling to the floor and covering all four walls, was a collage of photographs, each different in size and subject. Some focused solely on the amber eyes which had captivated him with their watery depths the moment he saw her. Others were of her warming smile, the one that took his breath away every time she bestowed it upon him. Some were of her full face in all its beauty, while her more eccentric outfits could be clearly spied in others. The only common element was that they were all her as _he_ saw her. Vibrant. Beautiful. His.

He knew in that moment, she was probably reading the note he had placed at the bottom of the staircase instructing her to come to the guest room.

Checking his pocket to be sure the ring was still in place, he walked to the center of the room and turned to face the door.

Taking several deep breaths, he waited.

It didn't take long, just as he knew it wouldn't, for the door to tentatively click open.

"Jasper?" she called out, her voice unsure as she pushed the door open wide.

His hands behind his back, he watched in barely concealed excitement as her eyes slowly scanned the room, her brain trying desperately to connect what she was seeing with how she should be feeling. When her gaze finally fell to him, questions in her eyes, he quirked the side of his mouth before pulling the ring from his pocket and bending down on one knee.

Her quiet gasp filled the room as her hands flew to cover her mouth.

Before he even asked the question, he could see the answer welling up in her eyes.

But more than the multitude of "yeses" that fell from her lips, it was the unsurpassed joy flowing through each word that he would remember for a lifetime.

~Peace~

**7 Years Ago**

"Alice," murmured Jasper as he nuzzled her neck, the scent of lilacs rushing to engulf his senses.

"Hmmm?" she purred, rolling over to face her husband, the white sheet wrapped around her body slipping a little to reveal the swell of her breasts.

"I love you."

"No more than I you," she replied before combing her fingers through his messy hair before claiming his mouth with hers.

And all the world stopped as an impenetrable bubble of peace surrounded them while they made love.

~Patience~

**6 Years Ago**

Jasper walked into the house, the mail held firmly within his hand as he unlocked the front door.

"Hi, Baby!"

Jasper looked up in surprise as the voice of his mother greeted him from the living room.

"Mom?" he questioned, his eyes falling to the woman who had given him life, before shifting to Alice, the woman who sustained it.

His wife, standing behind his mother, was clearly agitated, a look of dark strain creasing her normally brilliant features.

"What's going on?" he asked, an uncertain smile on his lips as he hugged his mother. Alice looked away, busying herself with clearing the glasses of tea she and his mother had been drinking.

"Oh, I just came to visit my sweet boy and his new bride, that's all," sang his mother, her hands framing his face as she patted his cheeks.

"Really?" he asked a little bemused.

"Yes! Nothing like a surprise visit to keep the newlyweds on their toes!"

The not-so-subtle clanking of glasses from the kitchen cued him as to his wife's displeasure concerning the impromptu visit by his mother. While Alice enjoyed entertaining company, she preferred to have the time she required to make their stay perfect, often redecorating the guestroom to accommodate the impending visitors while shopping for their favorite meals, thereby delighting them with her forethought. While he never really understood her extravagant sensibilities, he never much minded them. Until now.

She did not take well to surprise visits.

"I'm so glad to see you, mom. Why don't you have a seat while I talk to my beautiful wife about dinner, hmm?"

Bracing himself, he entered the kitchen.

"Hey, Sweetheart," he murmured before kissing her shoulder.

"Don't 'Sweetheart' me," she whispered back, furious. "Did you know that she was planning to stay for two weeks? _Two_, Jasper."

Clenching his jaw at her accusing tone, he ground out in a low voice, "No. I did not. And there's nothing we can do about it now."

"She can stay in a hotel-"

"Alice," he hissed, offended that she would even make such a suggestion.

"I'm sorry," she whispered back. "It's just...Jasper, she asked me if I was pregnant."

"So?" he asked, wondering why that would bother her to such an extent.

"When I told her I wasn't, she asked me when I was ovulating next."

Jasper choked on his laughter.

"It's not funny!" hissed Alice, her hands gripping the edge of the kitchen sink. "There are lines, Jasper. I refuse to talk about my sex life concerning you with _your mother._"

"Baby," he began, rubbing her arms. "I'm sure she didn't mean to be that intrusive. She was probably just mildly curious or something. Have a little patience with her, will you?"

Alice sighed. "Fine. You're probably right."

Turning in his embrace, she looped her arms about his neck, her face tilted for his kiss. Smiling, he complied, never one to disappoint his wife. When she opened her mouth, he moaned softly in his throat, raising a hand to cup her face, his thumb rubbing against the soft underside of her jaw. Threading his fingers into her short hair, he tugged gently.

"Oh good! I was beginning to worry that maybe you two were going to leave me grandchild-less!"

Jasper and Alice broke apart, eyes wide, as they regarded his mother standing in the kitchen doorway with her hands behind her back.

Grinning from ear to ear, she continued, "Maybe now would be a good time to give you _this!_ After speaking with Alice, I was afraid I would never have the opportunity, but now I see things could be different."

Jasper could feel Alice stiffen within his arms as his mother revealed the baby blanket she had been hiding behind her back.

It was only the first day of his mother's visit, and it was already apparent that his wife's patience was wearing thin.

~Kindness~

**5 Years 11 Months Ago **

Jasper grunted with the effort required to place the air conditioning unit in the guest room's window. The life of their central air was officially waning and he was trying his best to find low budget solutions while they saved their money to replace the entire system.

He was hot.

He was irritated.

He was tired.

Glancing up, he noticed Alice standing in the doorway wearing only a thin pair of shorts and a tank top, her arms crossed over her chest. For a moment, his libido flared. And then she opened her mouth.

"The refrigerator is broken," she said.

Jasper clenched his jaw. "Are you serious?"

"Unfortunately," she sighed, running a hand through her hair before wiping at the beads of sweat rolling down her neck.

"I'll see what I can do to fix it," he grunted as he picked through his toolbox in search of a screwdriver.

"Jasper," huffed Alice. "Can we just hire someone? At this rate, we'll die of starvation or heat stroke or something."

Jasper gritted his teeth. It was not the first time this conversation had taken place. He hated when Alice suggested hiring professionals, knowing that he was man enough to handle the appliances in his own damn home. Even if _she_ was losing faith in his abilities to fix situations.

"That's a little dramatic, don't you think?" he questioned, attempting to keep his tone even despite his irritation.

"I just think-"

"Alice," he interrupted, his voice unkind in the oppressive heat. "I'm not really interested in what you think at the moment, okay?"

Turning back to his tools, he ignored his wife as she walked away.

**5 Years 9 Months Ago**

"Did you get the car taken car of?" she asked as she placed his dinner plate in the dishwasher.

"Yep," he replied.

"So it's not doing that clanking noise thing?"

"Right."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I just don't want to-"

"Alice, it's working. It's fine."

**5 Years 7 Months Ago**

He came home to find her on her hands and knees scrubbing the bathroom floor. She was wearing nothing more than the old college t-shirt in which he had first met her, a pair of panties and yellow rubber gloves.

"Lose your pants, Darlin'?" he asked, a smile curving the corner of his mouth as he leaned his shoulder against the door frame.

Looking over her shoulder, Alice grinned. "Something like that. I didn't want to get bleach on them. Is that a problem?"

He just smirked. "Oh, I'm not complaining."

Bending down, he removed the scrub brush from her hands before peeling the gloves off one at a time. Kissing her ear, he whispered, "Up for taking a break?"

"Always," she murmured, rolling her head back, allowing him access to the side of her neck.

**5 Years 6 Months Ago**

"Your mother called."

"Alice, don't start."

**5 Years 4 Months Ago**

_"You're working late again?"_ she questioned, her tone full of disappointment. Though they were speaking on the phone, he could still imagine the tiny lines deepening just above the bridge of her nose as she frowned.

He hated to disappoint her, but she needed to understand. His promotion depended on his loyalty to the company. If they asked him to work late, he needed to comply. There was no choice.

_"You said you'd take me to dinner."_

"I'm sorry," he murmured into the telephone, his mind already on the project at hand.

_"It's fine,"_ she breathed before he heard the tell-tale sound of dead air, indicating she had ended the call.

Shrugging his shoulders, his eyes once again scanned the document on his desk, the call forgotten.

**5 Years 2 Months Ago**

"Where are you going?" he asked.

Alice glanced up at him as she pulled on a pair of black heels, her hand resting on their dresser to steady herself.

"I have a client meeting," she answered.

Glancing at the clock, he raised his eyebrows. "At 7 in the evening?"

"Yeah," she replied, raising a hand to her ear to ensure her pearl studs were in place. "I just assumed you would be working late again, so I scheduled the photo consultation tonight over coffee."

"Oh."

Smiling, she patted his cheek. "I'll be back in an hour."

"Okay."

Picking up her briefcase, she walked out of their bedroom. "Don't forget to take out the trash," she called out to him from the hall.

Pursing his lips, he flipped on the television and tried not to think about what his wife was doing with someone else at 7 in the evening.

~Goodness~

**4 Years Ago**

Her name was Maria.

She was new to the office.

She never asked him about the garbage.

She never griped about his late hours.

She never begged for the romantic dates the late hours afforded.

She never pressured him to do something he had forgotten he promised to do.

She never made him feel guilty.

She was good to him.

~Faithfulness~

**3 Years Ago**

She rubbed her body against his, the soft fabric of her skirt riding high on her thighs as she lifted one long leg to rest against his hip.

She smelled like roses and sage.

She was beautiful.

She was vibrant.

She was new.

Maria.

He was enraptured.

He wanted her fire, her bliss.

He wanted to feel like a man again.

And though she satiated his lust, nothing could quench the blaze of his guilt as he continued to hide his unfaithfulness.

~Gentleness~

**2 Years Ago**

"Who's Maria?" asked Alice softly before licking her finger and turning the page of her photography magazine.

"Who?" questioned Jasper, his throat closing in anxiety.

He had slept with Maria three times. Each time, the release had been purifying, but the guilt debilitating.

Each time, he swore there would never be another, though he had already failed that promise twice.

"Maria," repeated Alice as she closed the magazine, placing it on her bedside table.

As she turned her wide eyes to him, he gauged her reaction.

Was she angry? Hurt? Jealous?

"Maria who?" he stalled, hoping she would reveal more about what she knew, lest he unnecessarily admit to a fault about which she didn't need to know.

He had been foolish, caught up in a fantasy world where the mundane no longer existed. He enjoyed the intimacy without having to share in the banality. Maria was air to his stifled lungs. She brought him release. He felt like a man.

Looking at Alice, the familiar pangs of guilt assaulted his chest.

Reaching up, she placed the palm of her hand against his cheek, her eyes soft as they searched his. Sliding her fingers into his hair, she tugged, pulling him closer until their breaths mingled. And when she closed her eyes, her lips brushing softly against his, he lost himself.

Alice.

Beautiful. Vibrant. Alice.

Pushing her body into his, she melted into his welcoming embrace. Trailing her mouth along his jaw, she nipped and nibbled. Kissing his ear, kissing his chin, his neck, his lips.

Their clothes fell away as if they had never existed.

And when they melded together, no longer two, but one, he sighed against her lips. The familiarity of her movements excited him. The pressure of her fingertips comforted him. The warmth of her touch redeemed him.

She was his. He was hers.

They were one in mind, spirit and body.

As her hips rocked against him in a gentle rhythm only she could fulfill, her head thrown back in an ecstasy only he could provide, he knew there could never be another. There _would _never be another.

In the aftermath of their lovemaking, Alice rolled to her side, pulling their blanket around her.

Wrapping an arm around her waist, he gently pulled her back against him, his lips finding purchase against the soft skin of her shoulder.

"I think you should sleep in the guest bedroom."

Her voice was soft, the words wavering.

"What?" he questioned, unsure of her meaning.

"I'm going to call an attorney tomorrow, and I think it would be best if you and I no longer shared a bed."

His heart wrenched.

She knew_ exactly_ who Maria was.

Their gentle lovemaking was not a reunion, but a goodbye.

~Self-Control~

**1 Year Three Months Ago**

Jasper paced the sterile hall like a feral tiger confined to a cage. The nauseating odor of antiseptic stung his nose as the harsh florescent lights of the hospital corridor glared off the overly shiny linoleum floor, intensifying a headache brought on by lack of sleep.

It had been 26 hours and still no word.

He had been relegated to the waiting area with the other family members of loved ones. Every time the swinging doors opened with a whoosh of air, he looked up, eager to know the status. He watched time and again as doctors relayed news to those sitting on his right or left, whether it be good or bad. He hated the noise of the swinging doors, the constant sound teasing his ears, yet never fulfilling his tortured curiosity.

He cringed as a woman received the news that her daughter did not make it through surgery alive, her body waiting for the tearful goodbye the mother would bestow. As the mother shrieked in emotional agony, her wails piercing his ears, the hospital staff on duty pulled her from the room and those watching.

Swallowing hard against the fear rising in his throat, he continued to wait.

His cell phone beeped, indicating a text message. Flipping it open, he scanned the text.

_Will you be here tonight? - M_

Closing the phone, he didn't bother to answer. Maria was an escape. And at the moment, he wanted nothing more than to be present.

Two more hours of anguished waiting passed.

Finally, a doctor approached, her face neutral as her eyes scanned the room, falling on him.

"Mr. Whitlock?"

Jasper straightened in his chair, rubbing at his bleary and bloodshot eyes. "Yes?"

"The surgery went well, would you like to see her?"

He hadn't even realized he had been holding his breath until it came out in a heaving puff. She was fine. It went well. He would like to see her.

Nodding his head, he followed the doctor passed the double doors which had taunted him with their incessant whooshing sound.

Approaching the room, his heart thudded heavily in his chest, the sound of pulsing blood raging in his ears. She looked so small lying on the standard hospital bed, her head turned toward the window and away from the door. Her thick, dark hair was matted against her scalp and her cheeks were puffy and red from the anesthesia. She was still wearing a blue hospital gown, the thin material hiding her shape from his eyes, the color only further washing out her skin.

And yet she was beautiful.

His palms began to sweat as his fingers shook. He didn't know how she would take his presence, whether it would even be welcome. Steadying himself with a deep breath, he pressed forward.

"Alice?" he whispered.

She turned her head toward his voice, her eyes glistening with unshed tears, the liquid amber he remembered so well from their first encounter shining from her gaze.

As he stepped into the room, his eyes fell to the object of her emotion.

His daughter.

Not even an hour old.

"Things are a lot more complicated now," whispered Alice.

"I know," he whispered back.

"This doesn't change anything."

"I know."

She no longer spoke his name. He never thought he would long for the sound of it from her lips, for the intimacy it provided.

It took every ounce of self-control he possessed-though admittedly, he had little with which to begin-to not fall to pieces in the middle of that hospital floor.

He missed his wife.

He missed her love.

~...There Was Love~

******The Present**

Alice adjusted her sunglasses against the glaring afternoon light. The air was crisp as the cool breeze of autumn wafted through the trees.

Sitting on a bench, she tilted her head back, allowing the wind to caress her skin. She could hear the rustle of the colorful leaves as some of them tumbled to the ground, their ability to hang onto life limited by the changing of the season. Her heart squeezed in empathy for the dying foliage as its demise was inevitable.

She understood all too well the inevitability of death.

But what she would never understand was her heart's inability to accept it. For though her marriage had died years ago, she clung to its shadow like a young child for her mother.

She supposed it was because Jasper had been her first love. Her only love.

The day they collided was the day she willingly gave him her heart, her soul, her very existence. The concern in his crystal blue eyes had cut through her sadness just as his teasing demeanor had dried her tears.

He had been her hero in blue jeans and boots that day.

And though she wished it were not true, she had since failed him.

As a single tear dripped down her face, its very existence bitter yet sweet in its release, Alice remembered their first meeting with a fine clarity no amount of time could extinguish.

_"Um...can I buy you lunch?" she asked. "You know, as a thank you?"_

_"Sure," he replied._

_Alice could feel the grin stretching her face even as she contained her squeals of delight, lest he think her a loon._

_"Ever been to Buddy's?" she questioned, her eyes traveling across his strong jaw as his remained on the road, unaware of her visual perusal. She memorized the strength in his profile, the slightly crooked nose that hinted at a danger he would never reveal to her, the pouting lips that on any other man would be too soft, and the stubble that grew-she imagined-faster than he could remove._

_"I don't think so," he replied to her question._

_"What? How long have you lived here?" she crowed, earning another smirk, the action revealing a hidden dimple. "No, don't answer that. It doesn't even matter. You've already disappointed me with your lack of local cuisine knowledge." She enjoyed teasing him. He bore it well, blushing under her attention._

_"Well thank God I ran into you, then. Heaven forbid I remain ignorant and uneducated in the presence of such a well-informed woman," he returned, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye._

_Their easy banter continued, even as they dined at the burger joint, which gained another fan in Jasper. She laughed as his eyes rolled into the back of his head in ecstasy upon his first bite._

_"The best, right?" she asked, unnecessarily._

_Mouth full, he could only nod._

_They discussed their majors and goals, life plans and dreams. Their conversation spun in multiple directions, looping down rabbit trails that seemed endless yet essential. She chattered about photography as he listened with rapt attention, his words few and far between. He seemed content to just listen, though she feared she was boring him._

_"Not at all," he replied. "You have too much passion for me to ever find you boring."_

_She bit her lip to prevent the goofy grin from splitting her face in two as she looked down at her tattered and torn tutu._

_"Don't do that," he murmured. As she raised her eyes in question, he continued, "Don't hide your smile. I love to see you smile."_

_And so she did._

_"How can I always make you smile like that?" he asked softly as he leaned forward, his lips only a breath from hers._

_She considered his question seriously, though her heart was beating rapidly at his close proximity. It took her less than a second to realize the answer. _

_"Just be my hero," she whispered back matching his movements and pace. For that day, he had been her hero, fixing a problem before she could even dwell on its ramifications. _

_"Well, you know, I'll only be a hero as long as you see me as one."_

_"Then I'll just have to make sure you know that you are every day, Jasper." She could tell he loved when she said his name. And so she vowed to herself to say it time and again, the prospect of pleasing him exciting her._

_The kiss they shared was their first; full of passion, full of love, full of promise._

She would never forget that kiss. Its promises. Her failures.

Though she could never pinpoint exactly when, one day, she had stopped treating him like her hero. Instead, she saw him as just a man, full of faults and mistakes, disappointments and burdens. The everyday drudge of life sucked the golden glow from her golden boy, his imperfections clear in his inability to rise to her expectations.

Until he became another woman's hero.

And though he had been the one to betray her, _she_ had failed _him_. Because he wasn't the first one to break a promise in their marriage. No, she had done that long ago.

Alice wiped at the bitter tears gathering in her eyes. She had lost so much, and at her own hands.

A familiar, child-like squeal of delight caught her attention as her daughter approached in the arms of the man of her thoughts. The little face, so much like her father's, was alight with laughter as Jasper blew on her neck, the sound carrying despite their relative distance from her bench. His accompanying laughter warmed Alice's heart.

She missed his laughter and easy smile, even as she soaked up the rare occurrence her daughter unwittingly evoked.

"Hey, Alice," he said to her, once they drew near.

"Hi," she replied, unable to say his name. It hurt too much, even to this day. As it was just another broken promise between them.

"You ready to go, Love Bug?" she asked her daughter, the young girl's chubby arms reaching for her mother.

Jasper released the child, his fingers grazing Alice's skin. Her body responded to his touch despite her mind's acceptance of what her heart refused to believe.

Offering him a small smile, she turned to walk away.

"I love you," he called out, his voice catching on the words.

And though she knew they were meant for her daughter, Alice's heart responded, "Not as much as I you."

Because, even after all the pain, after all the confusion, after all the doubt, there was still love.

Even in the end, there would always be love.


End file.
